Sunday Thoughts

I have delegated the balcony of my apartment complex my thinking/get away spot. I do so much thinking there. I don't know why I never thought of it is previous semesters.

There were so many good talks and lessons today at church. I have had so many question build up in my head. I don't think I have any of the answers.

Have you ever felt ugly while going through trials? Have you felt like the world stares at you when you have a hard trial in your life? Have you felt like the world is against you and there is no way to get back on the world's good side? When you made it through your trial how did you feel? Accomplished? Beautiful? The same?

When trials come they change us, they make us a better person. We can become stronger, more intelligent, happier. God does NOT make perfect people. What's the point in living if you already live a perfect life? Nobody is perfect. There may be times when nothing goes wrong and you think life is perfect but that never lasts. With me, when I have the best week, that usually means I have a hard week full of trials coming my way. There is no way around trying to avoid a bad day if you don't alter your attitude.


When you see someone you know do you take the time to say hi or just ignore them? Do you smile at strangers and ask how their day is going? You never know who's day you are going to make. If you have a bright smiling face, you might just help a person walking home or shopping, become happier. Being grumpy all the time is not fun and will only tear you down. Strive to be happier. Try to have a cheerful attitude when your day isn't the best. Try to remember the feeling you get when you are happy. Remember the friends you have. Remember the family you were raised in. Think of good positive things.

How many times do you have a prayer in your heart? Does it make you feel good? Does it make you feel happy and confident? Do you ever just have a one-on-one with your Father in Heaven on the way to class, work, or even church? Do you ask Him questions you have had on your mind forever? Try having a prayer in your heart everyday. Try to remember who your Father in Heaven is. Try to remember He will always be with you and will never let you go. He is your father and YOU are his child. He hates to see you suffer, but knows you can handle what He throws your way. He wouldn't give you something you couldn't handle.

If you have questions and want the answer right away, try to remember it's not your time that's important. It's God's time that matters. It's in God's time that everything happens. God knows you better than you do. He knows what you need, when you need it better than you.

Remember you are God's child. Remember you are never alone. Remember Him.

Insights

Life's been a little stressful today. I'm still not use to the stress. My roommates probably think I'm super depressed. I did so much homework, my brain is fried! I did a lot of thinking today as well.

I decided I want to become Amish just for a day. No phone, no computer, no tv, no lights. Wouldn't that be great! The only thing is I HAVE to have my computer. There is no way I can keep up on my school work without it. There are so many good things to having school work due online, but I get so tired of staring at a computer screen all day. They want us to study 2 hours for every credit. Are you kidding me?! I don't do it. I do it until I get tired and move on to the next assignment. Bad habit, I know.

Switching gears. Have you ever thought about how you affect other people? Have you ever felt like you weren't good enough? Like your actions weren't good enough? Have you ever thought your opinions or concerns don't matter to the ones you love? I'm sitting here on the balcony of my apartment complex, breathing in the cool Rexburg air, thinking these things. Honestly, I don't know the answers to the questions that are in my head right now. How do I find those answers? There is only one way I can think of and I think those answers will take some time getting to me or maybe that's lifelong questions that won't ever be answered. I'm to the point where I'm being forced to make a decision. I came to realize I need to worry about myself sometimes. I can't try to make everybody happy. If things affect me as hard as they are I need to think of myself and try to see myself with the future that I'm heading towards.

Do I live my own life or try to live a life people want me to live? One of the easiest questions to answer yet, one of the hardest ones to do.

Being a Child

Everybody has had a blast in the past. Some pasts may be a week ago, some a few hours, and some many years ago. We have all went back to our childhood. Whether it be good or bad. We remember the good and the bad times, the friends we have made and still have or the friends we have made and left us, family members we were really close with, the troubles we got in with our friends and siblings or cousins. We might have even remembered games we played or toys we played with. In my Infants and Toddlers class we have to come up with a child's toy and present it to the class. I was thinking about all the toys I had growing up. Barbies, fairies, waffle blocks. Most of them were ones that were factory made. Then I remembered the Manilla folder games we had. They were definitely homemade toys. There were some we had to match the heads to the bodies of the animal. Some we had to match the color with the name. I loved those games. I made one that the child had to match the head to the body but it just didn't seem like the ones I had growing up. I decided to make one where they had to match the fruit with the name. I had to draw the fruit and color them. That took FOREVER.

While I was drawing my fruit last night I got to thinking about all the toys and games kids play today. They don't play with homemade toys. They are all manufactured. The best toys I had growing up were homemade. Homemade toys allow learning and play time. Sure, manufactured toys do the same but the spirit is just different.

I just came to the conclusion my kids will have homemade toys. Sure, it will take a load of time to make them but it will be worth it. I can be able to sit back and say "My kid is playing with the toys I did growing up and he/she is normal." You don't need manufactured toys to make your kids smart. Just use your imagination and intelligence to make those toys for your kids.

So what's your decision? Homemade or manufactured?

Lessons learned?

It has been over a year since I have posted on this blog. I just haven't gotten into it. Lately, I have been experiencing things in my life I thought I already experienced, except this time it is ten times worse than the first time. I don't understand how people can handle so much stress. I have unloaded a lot of on my friends. I honestly don't know what I would do without them. I do have my secret worries just like anyone else.

School is the main worry I have. I am taking thirteen credits this summer and I also have a job as a Teacher's Assistant here at school. But the job is nothing. All I do is sort papers, cut fabric, make copies, etc. I'm almost like a secretary. My interior design is probably my favorite class. I just got to mess with paint. I had to mix paints and come up with different colors. Now we moved on to the floor plans. I'm kinda nervous about that but I always have time to learn something new.

I had the worst week of my life last week. So many things were going wrong and I felt like my whole world was crashing down on my at once. I didn't have any room to breath. I was reading in a book called "True to the Faith" and I had read the happiness topic. I learned so many things in that five mins that I totally forgot about. I was searching for the wrong things to make me happy. I was looking for happiness from worldly things such as, money, food, entertainment, etc. I didn't think about turning to my Father in Heaven. I was too caught up in trying to fix everything I totally forgot I'm never alone. I needed to turn to Heavenly Father and not entertainment. After that one night of praying so hard I don't think I have felt any closer to my Father in Heaven. I still have so much stress on me but I know I am being looked after. I have friends and family that will be there for me if I ask them for help.

So are the lessons learned? I think so.

Goodbye 2009!!

I know a lot of people are thinking "What is my New Years resolution?". Well, I just figured out mine. I have decided on not worrying about how man sees me, but how God sees me. I don't want to be a person that is looked down upon. I want to be a person that can help lift others spirits like many people have done to me this last year. I have met a whole lot of people and only a few of them really stick out because of the kindness they have shown me. The one on the top of my list is a really good friend from Boise. He came down with my sister and a few of her friends this last summer to go on a trip to Lagoon. An amusement park in Salt Lake City, UT. My sister didnt really know him and of course neither did I. I just knew his name because I asked who was coming down. I didnt expect to stay friends with any of them but its just one of those things that just happen. I am really glad it did. The friends I made from just one summer has really helped me figure out who I am and has also helped me figure out my life. The other people I met on our trip to Lagoon have really cared about me also. I love it when people take time and ask me how my day is going. They are the type of people that do that and that is why I love going to Boise. I spent a lot of my summer up there. They have changes my life and I am ready for the challenges life brings me. I know no matter what I go through, I will always have friends and family to turn to for help. There has been a person who tried telling me I cant depend on my family the rest of my life. Well I got news for him...I will always depend of my family. They are the ones that help me. I guess I cant go to my friends and family for ANYTHING only because I have scared myself into what will happen if I start getting a little deep. I have built walls and I honestly dont think they will ever come down. They might start to come down, but I dont think they will fully come down. I love my family and friend and I am REALLY grateful for all their support and love that they have shown me. There has been A LOT of down hills for me this last year but there has also been some ups. I am ready for 2010 and the journey's it brings.GOODBYE '09! WELCOME 2010!!!

So I went to FHE tonight with the Marsh Creek Branch. We went bowling in Burley. It was ok I guess. People were treating me like they did in high school. Like crap. People I thought were my friends were just acting. I could tell cuz they would look at me and quickly look away. One of my "best friends" tried to come talk to me but there was nothing to talk about. I really hope I can change my life once I get out of here. I have only been away from home for 4 almost 5 months and I loved it. I got to meet new people. People that I knew really cared and weren't acting.

I love the Christmas season. People are always thinking of others and of how they can help. I have had a whole lot of help this year. It's not only during the Christmas season but also the whole year. I don't remember it all from the beginning of the year but I do remember a little.
There are times when I think I don't need any help and there are millions of people who can use my help but then I get to thinking about how selfish I am. There are a lot of people who have helped me. My friends, family, strangers.
In September I moved away from home to Rexburg, Idaho. Sure it is only 2.5 hrs away but I felt like I was leaving a lot of stuff behind. I felt like I would lose my loved ones. It was a couple weeks later that I finally started to feel like I was starting my new life. I was finally feeling like I was being accepted by people. One of my roommates came in my room because she saw me crying. She told me that all of our roommates are here for me and they will always be there if I needed someone to talk to. Of course that only made me cry harder because I finally felt comfort. I finally came to realization that I am not completely alone. After our talk (more like her talk I listen) I started thinking even more about not being alone. I know that no matter where we are we are never alone.
Of course me being me, I still don't go talk to them about anything because I have some pretty high walls up around me. But I must admit they have gone down a little. My roommates and I have talked about a lot of things I wouldn't normally talk to people about.
I am really grateful for all the new friends I have made. They have taught me a lot and I know I will meet more people and see more places. My family will always stick with me and I know I can turn to them when I need to. They will help me with all my trials and challenges that my life will take on.